It's seems like lately, people won't let ME forget about MY own past. They keep bringing it up. They wait to see how I'm going to react. Listen, I understand that I have made mistakes. I know that. I'm human. I am not nor will I ever be perfect. Ever. But, do I bring it up if you've had a drinking problem? Do I sit down and say, "so, hey, how's that abusive relationship working out for you?" Do I offer a Xanax to an addict? Do I call you out on that pack of Marlboro's you have hid from the church folks? No, I don't. I pray for you. And I see that the bottle has been put down. I see that you've removed the abuser from your life and I praise God for that. I see that you've been delivered from the stronghold that drugs had on your life. I see that you've quit that nasty habit and realized if God had intended man to smoke, He would have set him on fire! (Okay, don't come against me smoking friends - I don't care what you choose to do. I don't dislike you for it. It's your lungs and your money. I'm just saying, I've seen people who have made the effort and quit. I'm not calling you out by no means. You choose your own path.) So, why do you keep assuming that I'm still "that" person. Oh, you know, it's just Amanda. She's always got some kind of problem. She obsesses over things. She'll get too attached to you. Watch out. She's crazy. (Yes, someone has actually told another human being those things about me. And they were my friends?! ) I'm not crazy. I do not have any mental incapabilities. Oh, and also, I am NOT a child. I am a capable, strong, weak, ever-learning, sometimes over thinking, praying, slightly annoying at times, weird, loveable, can be grouchy, trying not to be hateful, honest, caring, mistake making, but FORGIVEN woman of God. The Lord told me the other day, "I've forgotten your sins. I've forgotten your mistakes. I've removed them as far as the East is from the West. So, why worry about what others say or do? They can't do anything to you. You are my child." Well, that settles it for me. So, I am sorry if it makes you mad that I ain't mad at ya. Or it upsets you that really, I can take care of myself. Or that I've let go of things I thought I wanted and let God take over every thing I do. (For the record, those things you think you want...well, sometimes, most times, they'll be a memory you'll look back on and say, "thank you Lord for not giving me that.") I'm sorry. I love everyone that takes the time to read this blog and I pray that this post has offended no one. But, I had to say what was on my heart. See, I really am stronger now. I told my friend Clay last night, "it's like people expect the worst from me." He said, "I don't. I expect greatness." I am going to continue to rely on God for everything in my life. And He, and only He, will bring those "great" things to pass in my life. My Associate Pastor Brad always says to go back and read the Sermon on the Mount. (Matthew 5, 6 and 7) I suggest you do as Brad says. Go back. Read it. Examine yourselves and strive to live that kind of life. That's what I am trying my best to do. And please, understand, I am not who I once was. And I am so thankful to God for that. God bless you all! I love you.
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